Once a Day

One day, I was working on biology (bleh) in a coffee shop, and I was overwhelmingly distracted by all that was going on around me - conversations of travel, new places, food, and photography. I overheard (maybe eavesdropped on) a man talking about a 27-day challenge he gave himself.

“I realized I was taking pictures of what I did for fun, but I wasn’t really having fun. I was taking them, looking, critiquing, retaking, and editing them and missing all that immediately followed. Then of course, I’d have to get on another app to get the filter I wanted. The enjoyment of the moment turned into frustration because I didn’t like my pictures of it.”

My thought was “Oh, snap. I do that. Everyone, on Instagram at least, does that.”

He continued, “My challenge to myself was to stop using the camera on my phone so much, and buy a single use camera to take my pictures, where I can’t look at the image and I have to move on with my day right after. They don’t even have to be good or something I’d post. Just one thing to capture the essence of the day.”

I’m thinking, “Hmm, I like this…”

He went on. “I’m only allowed one picture per day, so I have to really live in every moment and ask myself, ‘Is this the time? Or do I wait? What one thing do I want to remember today?’ I’m challenging myself to focus on what is worth capturing and why.”

I was so inspired that I forgot I was halfway through a biology quiz. I came back to earth, finished the quiz in a hurry, and promptly left to by a disposable camera.

So, for 29 days (I forgot twice) I toted around a little green Fujifilm everywhere I went. I started out thinking that since I don’t do anything super exciting and never drove more than 100 miles, it probably wouldn’t be as great as I wanted. But even on the boring days (most days), I looked forward to it. 

I had to focus on every moment and choose which one I wanted to remember from that day. I enjoyed everything I did (except biology, of course). And by not taking tons of pictures to commemorate, I remember more of what I experienced.

Isn’t the fact that time is always moving on the reason we enjoy things that we do? There’d be no point appreciating a certain time in life, no matter how small, if we could just relive it any time we wanted.

(Also the thankfully-very-short-lived Pokémon craze made me really notice how few people pay attention to what’s going on around them, which of course only made me want to do this even more)

All that to say, here are my snapshots. I couldn't decide whether or not I wanted captions, so I made the text white- highlight below the pictures for an explanation! Some of the pictures didn't turn out, and I forgot, but there are captions anyway. I hate flash, so I didn't use it... Now I know that I should stick to outside pictures. Next time!

I highly encourage you to try it! And even though I stayed within 100 miles of home the whole time, I loved it, and I’m planning on doing it again in a few months!

And side note: for more on our proneness to record everything, I recommend Radio Lab’s podcast titled “David and the Wire”, which conveniently came out in the middle of this project.

7/8

I was just excited to get this picture thing started and I like crepe myrtles.

7/9

In June, it took an hour every day just to pilfer (aka army crawl) through hundreds of tomatoes. Thank goodness those days are over.

7/10

Started the countdown today to my return to Stillwater and 5-minute trips to this casa: 22 days!

 

7/11

The way you can go from not knowing of each other's existence to facing and fighting your hardest battles in less than one year is something I'm certain happens only in knowing Jesus. The past few months sharing and carrying burdens and walking with these friends has often knocked me to my knees and revealed more about my heart and God's faithfulness than ever before. Go friends, go fight club, go Torchy’s. PS, Caroline leaves for Spain really soon and you can keep up with her here! https://adultingsomehow.blogspot.com 

7/12

(NO PIC) I've never felt more well-represented by an inanimate object than I do by my bedspread. Plus, I spent more time reading there than doing anything else this summer.

 

7/13

Exercise, right?

7/14

The craziest storm I’ve ever experienced! Didn’t even notice we lost that tree until after I took this!

7/15

The YouthWorks flashbacks were strong today #Sams (it's a cart of bulk food)

7/16

This white wall, though... heart eyes (feat. Bess and Pezzo J)

7/17

(NO PIC) I said “Smile, everyone” and mom smiled, Emily did a superhero pose, dad did the same, and John continued eating. It was our first family dinner in the perpetual partially-complete kitchen.

7/18

(NO PIC) We almost went to the new cereal bar in town, but why spend $7 on something you can make for 50 cents?

 

7/19

You know when you hear a song a hundred times, but on the hundred and first time you really hear the lyrics and they completely overwhelm you? That happened today, and this is where I was. (s/o “Open Door” and the rest of Pen Pals’ Gold EP).

7/20

* had eye infection, totally forgot about camera, picture me watching Chopped (but only out of my right eye) *

7/21

Spent a lot of the hottest day of the summer unloading things outside and sweating more than I knew I could, but no worries- it was free tea day and I devoured a grilled chicken spud.

7/22

Went 45 miles past our destination to stop in Fayetteville. Here’s Bess at Rick’s, before we devoured our marble cookies, took the scenic route back to Siloam Springs, sat in Pour Jon’s, visited camp, melted at camp (props camp staff, I don't know how you do it), blasted the A/C, and listened to Hamilton the whole way home.

7/23

Ju lit a sparkler in the house and went door to door singing happy birthday to the family (naturally). But unfortunately all the fire alarms smelled this celebration and put a stop to it, loudly screeching “BEEP BEEP BEEP” and quietly whispering “low battery” . . . for the next 6 hours.

7/24

Sometimes the Lord blesses you with little things right when you need them, like a quiet group of four in Redeemer kids after not-my-favorite weekend.

 

7/25

LAX, bruh.

7/26

Grieved today over brokenness, especially within the church. So many have stopped looking at Jesus as the only Way, Truth, and Life, and have given up the fight for His glory and purpose and our righteousness, and have turned to pursue the simple but deceptive way of the enemy, made of lies and leading to death. Prayed to hold onto hope that even though the world is lost, it’s not a lost cause. Jesus, and Jesus alone, redeemed a world of seemingly lost causes.

7/27

* forgot again, what is it about Wednesdays? *

7/28

Peace out, RCC. Glad I got to be on the inside for a month!

7/29

Zurzurts ‘n wuzzins (Brock-family-ese for “desserts and cousins”)

7/30

Taken as the wuzzy nuzzi (no translation) pack departed from their whirlwind visit, after treading through storms and highway shoulders to get here this morning. (the grain, though)

7/31

(NO PIC) CAME BACK FOR GOOD!!!

8/1

Cooked three meals in 24 hours because I’m so excited to have a kitchen and my own groceries.

8/2

Today was full of Chopped, pretending I can paint, and being really pumped to see how the Lord uses Redeemer Stillwater. I’m so grateful to be a part of it!

8/3

Ju came to town and loooooved GypsySnark

8/4

I obviously don’t have the coordination to take a picture and ride my bike at the same time yet. But I’ve been riding it a lot since I've been back!

8/5

This is an accurate depiction of my entire week. Painting. It’s been a very long, very boring week, but I’ve gotten stuff done and built up a large reserve of introvert energy to prepare for a busy semester.

Considering the Lilies

“Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?” Matthew 6:28b-30 

 How many times I have heard these words. How many times I have gone to them for encouragement. How many times I have desperately desired them to bring comfort, yet been unable to find it.

Times like right now. For what feels like months, I’ve been saying, “Come on, Ellen. You believe this to be true. Why can’t you just shake that doubt?”

That inevitable leads me back to asking a one-word question that holds all my doubt: Why?

Why me? Why here? Why now? Why this? Why them? Why?

I like knowing why. We all like knowing why.

Matthew 6 ripped me apart on Monday afternoon, just two days ago.

“Consider the lilies…”

They don’t work or panic.

They don’t worry about what’s going on around them.

They grow today to be gone tomorrow.

It’s easy for me to think, “Duh, they’re flowers.”

“They never leave the field.”

“I have bigger fish to fry than making sure my stem stands up.”

“A flower seems pretty irrelevant to my circumstances.”

But the lilies aren’t the point.

My relation to the lilies isn’t the point.

My faith, and lack thereof, is the point Jesus is making.

Because Jesus didn’t come for the lilies.

He came for us, though we did far worse than the lilies.

He’s saying, “Look at these flowers. Look at all I do for them. But I didn’t even come for them, I came for you. Trust me.”

He’s using us for very different things; for things much larger and scarier and unknown. He's doing it it to point us back to Himself.

So, while we aren’t the lilies, we can learn from them.

We have the same Sustainer, the same Security.

That, however, doesn’t always take away the “why’s.”

Even now, He could do all these things in my life without making it hard. I know that.

So why doesn’t He make it easier and just do His thing and let us be?

I’ll likely never understand the answer to that while I’m on earth.

But If I’ve learned anything about faith, it’s that I need it because I don’t have any clue why something is happening.

I may one day know why. But I may not.

But I know He’s caring for me much more than the lilies.

I can spend my life asking why every day (those questions are truly endless), but it’s not going to add anything but stress, helpless feelings, anger, resentment.

I can easily ignore my opportunity to have peace by trusting that the Sustainer of the world knows me and exactly what I need (Mt 6:32), and continue to wonder why, why, why, wasting my time and energy away.

Or I can give up my doubts, find peace and comfort in His care for even the lilies, and rest assured that He knows the answer to my incessant questions.

Whatever I do, He’s fully aware of why He’s doing these things, and He doesn’t owe me an answer each time I ask. But I owe Him my trust. And I won’t add a single hour to my life by withholding it.