Monday, October 17, 2016

Green Grass

"But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness and into his marvelous light. Once you were not a people, but now you are God's people; once you had not received mercy, but now you have received mercy." 
1 Peter 2:9-10

These words! Woooooow. 

I've spent the last few weeks reading and re-reading the words of 1 Peter. I keep going back to it because the words are new every day! I wish I could just copy and paste the whole letter on here!

All that red type stuck out to me most. It's what those who know Jesus are
Chosen. 
Royal. 
Holy. 
Out of darkness. 
In His marvelous light. 
God's people. 
Receivers of mercy.

The adjectives really get me. 
Chosen. Royal. Holy

How many days do I wake up and say, "Wow, thank you Jesus! I'm chosen, royal, and holy because of YOU"? 

Not many. I usually begin the day without thinking much at all about this truth. 

But how do I forget something like this!? It should be the only thing I think about, the only purpose behind everything I do, the only thing in which I find hope and security! But that's not how I go about every day.

What is blocking me from truth of this magnitude?!

I honestly didn't know for a while, but then it hit me like a ton of bricks, mid-lecture, in my way-too-early class last week.

It was me. I have been totally fine being a bystander of Jesus. Not a follower, not a servant, but a really bad (attempting) co-leader.

I focused all my attention on my short-term plans of how to get through whatever I'm currently dealing with, believing that I could do it myself. 

Because the grass is always greener on the other side of the trial, right? 
Maybe for a few feet. 
Maybe. 
Probably not.

Usually, the grass is just another shade of green that I'd rather not look at. Yet I look at it and sulk. Instead of looking up to the Lord to show me why it's that color, I keep looking down and navigating about it alone, making every effort to get out as fast as I can. 

Come ooooon. I just want to be on the greenest side! 
I catch myself sometimes and wonder if I'll ever be content with the color.

Then come some more of Peter's words.
"According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfadingkept in heaven for you..." 
1 Peter 1:3b-4
So will I ever be content while I'm here? No and yes. 

No because I'll always be able to find things I don't like about where I am. 
No because I'll probably try to escape it all alone again, ignoring the value I'm supposed to see in it. 
No because I'll never reach that perfect hue of green until I'm living forever in that imperishable, undefiled, and unfading inheritance. 

But yes because this is a secure promise. 
Yes because it's kept in heaven for all who believe. 
Yes because I know I can hope in this perfect green grass (that feels a million years away). 
Yes because I know it's already here in part. 
Yes because I know it's coming in full

God doesn't let me sit idly. He lets the grass in life change unexpectedly, sometimes to a prettier hue and sometimes to an uglier one, because He's always sanctifying me- molding me and pruning me to be holy as He is.

Even in the deadest (real word?) of grasses, we have a living Hope, who is Jesus, and we are being guarded through faith. 

We will experience endless joy, no suffering, perfectly green grass one day. Until then, there will always be something we aren't content with. But instead of keeping our noses down, trying to lead Jesus around or beg Him to let us out, it is the time we should look up and say, "Lord, I don't like this, but I know I'm here to become more like You."

When we're here, we can confidently trust that even though the grass is not our favorite green, He's teaching us something through it. But that only starts when we turn our focus from self-pity and discontent to Him, remembering that we are
Chosen. 
Royal. 
Holy. 
Out of darkness. 
In His marvelous light. 
God's people. 
Receivers of mercy.

One day on the other side of heaven, it'll be the perfect shade. But even now we have an eternally secure hope in Jesus, and the grass looks a lot greener when we look up and find our security in that.

                                     *emphasis in the verses is mine - I don't know how necessary that is to clarify, but I see it in things I read?

Saturday, August 13, 2016

Once a Day

One day, I was working on biology (bleh) in a coffee shop, and I was overwhelmingly distracted by all that was going on around me - conversations of travel, new places, food, and photography. I overheard (maybe eavesdropped on) a man talking about a 27-day challenge he gave himself.

“I realized I was taking pictures of what I did for fun, but I wasn’t really having fun. I was taking them, looking, critiquing, retaking, and editing them and missing all that immediately followed. Then of course, I’d have to get on another app to get the filter I wanted. The enjoyment of the moment turned into frustration because I didn’t like my pictures of it.”

My thought was “Oh, snap. I do that. Everyone, on Instagram at least, does that.”

He continued, “My challenge to myself was to stop using the camera on my phone so much, and buy a single use camera to take my pictures, where I can’t look at the image and I have to move on with my day right after. They don’t even have to be good or something I’d post. Just one thing to capture the essence of the day.”

I’m thinking, “Hmm, I like this…”

He went on. “I’m only allowed one picture per day, so I have to really live in every moment and ask myself, ‘Is this the time? Or do I wait? What one thing do I want to remember today?’ I’m challenging myself to focus on what is worth capturing and why.”

I was so inspired that I forgot I was halfway through a biology quiz. I came back to earth, finished the quiz in a hurry, and promptly left to by a disposable camera.

So, for 29 days (I forgot twice) I toted around a little green Fujifilm everywhere I went. I started out thinking that since I don’t do anything super exciting and never drove more than 100 miles, it probably wouldn’t be as great as I wanted. But even on the boring days (most days), I looked forward to it. 

I had to focus on every moment and choose which one I wanted to remember from that day. I enjoyed everything I did (except biology, of course). And by not taking tons of pictures to commemorate, I remember more of what I experienced.

Isn’t the fact that time is always moving on the reason we enjoy things that we do? There’d be no point appreciating a certain time in life, no matter how small, if we could just relive it any time we wanted.

(Also the thankfully-very-short-lived Pokémon craze made me really notice how few people pay attention to what’s going on around them, which of course only made me want to do this even more)

All that to say, here are my snapshots. I couldn't decide whether or not I wanted captions, so I made the text white- highlight below the pictures for an explanation! Some of the pictures didn't turn out, and I forgot, but there are captions anyway. I hate flash, so I didn't use it... Now I know that I should stick to outside pictures. Next time!

I highly encourage you to try it! And even though I stayed within 100 miles of home the whole time, I loved it, and I’m planning on doing it again in a few months!

And side note: for more on our proneness to record everything, I recommend Radio Lab’s podcast titled “David and the Wire”, which conveniently came out in the middle of this project.


7/8
I was just excited to get this picture thing started and I like crepe myrtles.




7/9
In June, it took an hour every day just to pilfer (aka army crawl) through hundreds of tomatoes. Thank goodness those days are over.



7/10
Started the countdown today to my return to Stillwater and 5-minute trips to this casa: 22 days!


 
7/11
The way you can go from not knowing of each other's existence to facing and fighting your hardest battles in less than one year is something I'm certain happens only in knowing Jesus. The past few months sharing and carrying burdens and walking with these friends has often knocked me to my knees and revealed more about my heart and God's faithfulness than ever before. Go friends, go fight club, go Torchy’s. PS, Caroline leaves for Spain really soon and you can keep up with her here! https://adultingsomehow.blogspot.com 

7/12
(NO PIC) I've never felt more well-represented by an inanimate object than I do by my bedspread. Plus, I spent more time reading there than doing anything else this summer.


 
7/13
Exercise, right?




7/14
The craziest storm I’ve ever experienced! Didn’t even notice we lost that tree until after I took this!




7/15
The YouthWorks flashbacks were strong today #Sams (it's a cart of bulk food)




7/16
This white wall, though... heart eyes (feat. Bess and Pezzo J)

7/17
(NO PIC) I said “Smile, everyone” and mom smiled, Emily did a superhero pose, dad did the same, and John continued eating. It was our first family dinner in the perpetual partially-complete kitchen.

7/18
(NO PIC) We almost went to the new cereal bar in town, but why spend $7 on something you can make for 50 cents?


 
7/19
You know when you hear a song a hundred times, but on the hundred and first time you really hear the lyrics and they completely overwhelm you? That happened today, and this is where I was. (s/o “Open Door” and the rest of Pen Pals’ Gold EP).

7/20
* had eye infection, totally forgot about camera, picture me watching Chopped (but only out of my right eye) *




7/21
Spent a lot of the hottest day of the summer unloading things outside and sweating more than I knew I could, but no worries- it was free tea day and I devoured a grilled chicken spud.




7/22
Went 45 miles past our destination to stop in Fayetteville. Here’s Bess at Rick’s, before we devoured our marble cookies, took the scenic route back to Siloam Springs, sat in Pour Jon’s, visited camp, melted at camp (props camp staff, I don't know how you do it), blasted the A/C, and listened to Hamilton the whole way home.




7/23
Ju lit a sparkler in the house and went door to door singing happy birthday to the family (naturally). But unfortunately all the fire alarms smelled this celebration and put a stop to it, loudly screeching “BEEP BEEP BEEP” and quietly whispering “low battery” . . . for the next 6 hours.




7/24
Sometimes the Lord blesses you with little things right when you need them, like a quiet group of four in Redeemer kids after not-my-favorite weekend.


 
7/25
LAX, bruh.




7/26
Grieved today over brokenness, especially within the church. So many have stopped looking at Jesus as the only Way, Truth, and Life, and have given up the fight for His glory and purpose and our righteousness, and have turned to pursue the simple but deceptive way of the enemy, made of lies and leading to death. Prayed to hold onto hope that even though the world is lost, it’s not a lost cause. Jesus, and Jesus alone, redeemed a world of seemingly lost causes.

7/27
* forgot again, what is it about Wednesdays? *




7/28
Peace out, RCC. Glad I got to be on the inside for a month!




7/29
Zurzurts ‘n wuzzins (Brock-family-ese for “desserts and cousins”)




7/30
Taken as the wuzzy nuzzi (no translation) pack departed from their whirlwind visit, after treading through storms and highway shoulders to get here this morning. (the grain, though)

7/31
(NO PIC) CAME BACK FOR GOOD!!!




8/1
Cooked three meals in 24 hours because I’m so excited to have a kitchen and my own groceries.




8/2
Today was full of Chopped, pretending I can paint, and being really pumped to see how the Lord uses Redeemer Stillwater. I’m so grateful to be a part of it!




8/3
Ju came to town and loooooved GypsySnark




8/4
I obviously don’t have the coordination to take a picture and ride my bike at the same time yet. But I’ve been riding it a lot since I've been back!



8/5
This is an accurate depiction of my entire week. Painting. It’s been a very long, very boring week, but I’ve gotten stuff done and built up a large reserve of introvert energy to prepare for a busy semester.